


put your lips on me and I can live underwater

by keyt_scrat



Category: SKAM (TV), SKAM (TV) RPF
Genre: M/M, Miscommunication, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-12
Updated: 2017-09-12
Packaged: 2018-12-27 06:30:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12075429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keyt_scrat/pseuds/keyt_scrat
Summary: I have a lot of bottled up feelings about the skam ending but don't we alltypical teenage pining with a lot of run on sentences





	put your lips on me and I can live underwater

Tarjei is 18 and he just wants to live his life. Skam is ending and it feels like the only constant he had is slipping through his hands and it feels like he can't breathe anymore. Tarjei is 18 and he can't help thinking that he's peaked, that his best years are behind, that he will always be known as "that gay dude from a girly show".

 

Tarjei is 18 and now he can officially drink. Of course he used to drink before but now he's showing off in a way that all teenagers do when they get that bit of freedom. He gets blackout drunk on his birthday and feels dead and alive at the same time.

 

Tarjei is 18 and he shouldn't care that Henrik didn't come to his birthday party but he does and feels childish about. Tarjei wants to live his life, but mostly he wants to forget about certain things.

 

He wants to forget the first time he ever saw Henrik even though it's probably imprinted on the inside of his eyelids and every time he blinks he sees him - bright and radiant as ever, charming and polite, lighting up the room and making everyone fall in love with him. Tarjei hates that. 

 

He realised during the filming for season three just how different him and Henrik are - Henrik is an adult, confident and suave, he has a certain effect on people and he knows it and uses it well. He flirts with everyone - crew, fans, colleagues, friends. It's a harmless way of flirting that makes people around him feel important and a bit flustered and wondering what could happen next. Tarjei on the other hand is an awkward teenager, probably too annoying and loud and he relishes in the fact that Isak would hate him. He's a theater kid and he likes to be the center of attention but his energy is hectic and all over the place and he knows sometimes people just want him to shut up.

 

He doesn't want to forget gullruten but sometimes wishes that other people could forget it. He remembers walking into that hotel room later, several glasses of champagne in (and more to come) seeing himself on tv and realising that other people are going to see it too. Him answering question after question on what it was like to kiss a guy, as if he did nothing else, as if he didn't pour himself into this season, this character, him looking at Henrik to help, all of them looking at Henrik to help, as if he was a cool older brother who knew what to do and how to behave. Him kissing Henrik even though the joke was that they weren't supposed to kiss, they were supposed to feel tired of each other, but he went for it in front of Norway and probably the whole world and he wishes he was ashamed but he absolutely wasn't, he felt fucking radiant and on top of the world.

 

He wants to forget that hotel room after gullruten but Marlon has videos on his phone that won't let him. It comes back in flashes.

 

Flash - Henrik is yelling and opening a bottle of champagne and Tarjei's cheeks hurt from smiling.

 

Flash - and someone yells "Let's play spin the bottle" and he wants to laughand say that it doesn't make any sense but the guys are arranging into a circle on one of the beds.

 

Flash - he's kissing Henrik while sitting on the bed while he's kissing Henrik on tv and his life feels like a pretentious French movie with too much symbolism.

 

Flash - he's throwing up into the toilet while Sacha is laughing next to him and promises not to film.

 

Flash - he's at the after party and there are people but no one yells "Make out" at him and Henrik and he is relieved and disappointed at the same time.

 

Most of all he wants to forget the Skam finale party. He's bitter and hurt and Henrik hasn't texted him back for more than two weeks and Tarjei is busy and he knows that Henrik is busy but he thought that they had something and he feels dismissed and used and he hates himself for feeling like this. He doesn't want to go to the party - he has an excuse of filming in different city but his friends beg him and he can't say no and he's there. 

Henrik is as radiant as ever - in a silk shirt and bright red jacket, which makes Carl snort with laughter. Tarjei wants to laugh too, want to be immersed in the atmosphere, wants to be present and spend this night with the people he probably won't see for a long time. But something is eating at him - the uncertainty of his relationship with Henrik, the way they abruptly end things, the way they never talk about anything apart from the show. He wants to feel wild tonight, wants to be reckless, he's ready to make a fool of himself on national television again, but then he sees Lea, sees the way Henrik looks at her and realises he's not going to do anything. He's not going to demand answers - who is he to demand anything if he's going to be dismissed as a kid with a crush on the first guy that shows him a bit of attention. So he smiles and poses and let his hands wander all over Henrik's body while they're on the red carpet - he's planning to make this last time count. 

Later he's dancing again and he's drinking again and it feels like a cruel twisted version of the twelfth of May. He was happy back then - tired and restless and far too loud and far too careless. He remembers May 12th as drunk - he was drunk on champagne (which he hates because it goes straight into his head), drunk on success, he wants to pretend drunk on love but that wouldn't be true. What he has with Henrik is not love, not even lust, just a crush that went a bit too far and feels one-sided but sometimes very much mutual. The only thing that keeps him relatively sane is that he's very unlikely to see Henrik again. Tarjei is staying in Norway for sure, working on movies, planning to go to an acting school. He never wants to leave Norway, he loves it too much, wishes he could be an authentically Norwegian actor. Henrik is probably going to Denmark or the US to become one of those Hollywood heartthrobs, big movies stars with big names and big salaries. Or maybe he'll be a model if that girlfriend of his has any say in it.

Now he's also tired - but just from working too much and going to school and preparing for exams and meeting fans. He's loud and careless but in a self deprecating way that makes Marlon hug him just a little bit tighter. Now he's drunk on rum and coke and possibly jealousy and certainly bitterness. But he wants to be drunk on love, drunk enough to trip and drown in someone's eyes.

He walks out on the balcony to get some air and Henrik is there - his hair is dripping with sweat, a shirt is clinging to his body, a cigarette is stuck between his lips.

Henrik says - I haven't seen you all night

Henrik says - Come here buddy and hugs him and they awkwardly sway for a bit.

There are so many questions stuck in Tarjei 's throat that he's afraid he's going to choke but before any of them can come out Henrik looks at him, squinting one eye, holds out a cigarette and says "You know that we're going to the same acting school next year, right?"

His laugh sounds like ocean waves and Tarjei finally drowns.

**Author's Note:**

> well that was cheeper than seeing a therapist  
> i don't think they're actually going to the same acting school but i've heard some rumours and anyway wouldn't that be nice  
> feel free to sent me hate on my twitter @sapphicrussia


End file.
